Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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