I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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