Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
