remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
