The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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