You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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