she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
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