This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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