Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
