i always forget guys have bellybuttons
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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