I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
where are you?
Hypothermia
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
