My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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