That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
