I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
