He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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