A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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