I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
