How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
