3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
