I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
