Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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