lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
