question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
