Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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