Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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