Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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