ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
