I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
