I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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