Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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