it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
