idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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