some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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