You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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