I wish I could punch you in the face.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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