I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
