Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
