I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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