I could have mohawked her pubes.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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