thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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