Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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