I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
