So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
