im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
