do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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