just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
