Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
