Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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