had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
