Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
