YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
