I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
