I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
