Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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