During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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