Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
