SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
