normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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