my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
