I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Also, beer. Big fan.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
