The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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