so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I have demons in me.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
