i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
