Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i will never coherently bang her
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
