i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
