I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
