i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize