I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm like, not good at living.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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