I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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