do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
porn star boner night. come get it.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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