i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize