we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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