apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
