are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
